I hesitate to mention this, but I have a thing for old men these days, particularly men in their 70s. Yes, if you were born in the 1930s and 1940s, odds are good I will become utterly smitten with you (Dale ... this means you have a chance).
I have four suitors right now -- one in his 30s, one in his 40s, one in his 50s, and one in his 70s. Guess which one is the funniest, the wittiest, the smartest, the sharpest and therefore the sexiest? The guy in his 70s.
I know, I know ... Daddy issues! And in fact, my father was of this generation. He would have been 80 this year. And with the exception of a couple of pervs, most of the men in his social sphere and his age were witty, urbane, wise-cracking women-lovers who could flirt like nobody's business without seeming in any way lecherous. Yes, they occassionally did women wrong. But they wooed with all with the grace, charm and wit that men of this generation -- their sons, actually -- do not possess. Think Cary Grant versus Vince Vaughan. Man versus boy. Tough guy with a heart of gold versus emotional guy with a heart of stone. These were the kind of guys who called women "broads" but did so with no small amount of reverence, but also made it very clear that they would brook no bullshit. These were not wimpy men.
Because I don't really want to sleep with men in their 70s and 80s, however, I do what I always do with my old-man crush. I take care of him, just as I did my father, for whom I used to religiously make salmon loaf and maple fudge once a week, and my father-in-law, a truly adoration-worthy man with about 100 times the wit and charm of most ordinary men. On my last ski vacation with him, he was ailing, so I routinely ran a bath for him and made him tea and sandwiches in the afternoon. And at least once a day he said something, perhaps borderline inappropriate but very wise, that made me laugh with appreciation.
Today I was so worried about my old-man crush when he didn't answer the phone at his condo that I made his concierge go and check on him. He'd had a terrible cold and I was afraid he'd died in his sleep of pneumonia. He was fine, and called me up to assure me he was on the mend, and we had a good, almost tender laugh about my concern and his appreciation of it. He was utterly grateful I was checking up; I was insanely relieved he was OK. He thanked me again for the carrot cake I baked him to thank him for the water-colour he sent me that he painted last summer of the ocean and gave to me because he felt the blue/green he'd mixed was the same colour as my eyes. Old-man swoon!
Sadly, however, I can never sleep or even make out with my old-man crush, no matter how many sweet and intelligent little gestures he delivers my way, because I just can't physically go there. And that's despite even knowing that the guy pictured above once looked like the guy pictured below (and the sad thing is -- my old-man crush actually was close to this Adonis level as a younger man ... he was smoking hot). Perhaps that's the appeal. If I don't sleep with them, they can't hurt me, and I can have a lovely and flirtatious friendship with a debonair gentleman who just appreciates looking at me and is happy I exist, and wouldn't push anything beyond that.
Which is perhaps a shame, because I sure like old men.
21 comments:
I think your old man crush is safe, and doesn't make you feel threatened or vulnerable, so good for you.
Some of the most meaningful love stories of our lives sometimes have nothing to do with sex.
You should write a short story about it.
I get the older man crush thing. I think men, like boys, grow up more slowly than women. A 70 year old man is a perfect match for a 40something woman emotionally.
BTW, my older man crush is a very funny and witty journalist and jazz musician called Miles Kington. Didn't know him personally but read his column in the Independent. He died yesterday at 66 and I'm v. sad.
Look at that shot of a young Newman. Holy moly!!!!
I got so excited that I peed a little, luckily I had on my diaper! Maple fudge? I'm all yours baby.
I am totally into older men (50's, 60's, 70's) because they're smart, witty and down right sexy. I'd take an older man over a 30 yr. old any day (I'm 23 btw). That's just me.
I will go out with a younger man but soon be longing for the presence of an older man. They're just so damn sexy to me no matter how many young guys are interested.
I fully support your "old man crush". Only difference between you and me is I want the sex with them too. Mmmm...yummy. They're just so experienced - they know how to make me melt. My college prof is a major turn on (early sixties) and of course, Charlie Rose.
I totally understand where you are coming from. I have a crush on a 60 year old man, who is so funny, witty and charming. I work with him and spend a lot of time with him, which I totally enjoy. He is married, but I enjoy being around him and it is just innocent fun. I dont want to sleep with him or anything physical like that, I just enjoy being near him.
I must admit, I thought I was the only person who had old man crushes like that. I don't really have so much a 60 or 70 year old man crush. I'm more of a "30-40-50 year old man" girl. I am only 20 and I'm sure I may have some fatherly issues, but I still like older men. I have a recent romantic interest in a 46/47 year-old man. I flirt a little with him and for the first time he reciprocated the act.
We were watching a movie and he was siting on the floor and i was sprawled on the couch. he put his hand on my foot and started gently massaging it. I was so aroused!
But it scares me that I know people wouldn't understand the age difference. SO for now I'll keep quiet.
i found this post on a search for "i have a crush on an old man" and i don't know what to do about it. i am glad i am not the only one. he is 65 and i am 40. i have known him for eleven years and just recently called him. and i am playing the old songs we used to listen to. i always thought i was supposed have born in his generation. anyway, now what do i do? we both can really use each others company... i will bookmark this post! sigh.
This is such a gorgeous post. I think you are totally fine, no mental illness. I tend to fall in love with men who are 10-20 years older than me, and I have a strong non-romantic fondness for much older men. Nothing wrong with that, I think. There isn't enough written on this issue. Thanks for writing about your feelings. If you ever have more thoughts, please post them. :-)
Dont feel bad I have the 'Older man crush issue" Its werid but its true.
Thank you for posting.
I finally know that I'm not alone in this.
i like a 62 year old band voulenteer, he only comes by once every few months but every time he does my heart feels like its going to explode. i dont want to have sex with him, i just want to be "with" him. i dont know, buts its good to know i'm not alone.
wow. i'm so glad i'm not the only one. i've had crushes on older guys since my softmore year in high school. i'm now a college freshman (18).
high school crushes consist of all mariied, two with kids math teachers, and married coaches; one was 26, several were in their mid-30s, couple mid-40s, one mid-fifties. this year it's a divorced English prof, i think mid 50's.
i know it was perfectly normal for girls in their teens to marry much older men back in the day, but i had kida thought i was a freak for liking such older guys.
you're awesome for posting that. i'm really glad you did.
I'm so freakin happy to read that there are more of you ladies out there! I thought I was the only one :( I am deeply attracted to this man who is 62. Man he's just powerful and smart and sexy and sweet. He's attracted to me too but there are two issues that keep me firmly planted to reality: 1) I'm taken and 2) he's my boss's boss. It started out as a friendship but now it's laced with flirting. Nothing too bad but my crush keeps me awake at night. i write about it all the time. I would do anything for him. My body seriously shakes and trembles when he's near me. What the hell is wrong with me? I'm deeply internally conflicted and I hope someone out there can tell me I'm not a bad person.
Okay, so I'm new to this. I was browsing to find out if it's okay to have feelings for older men and this caught my eye. I'm going through the same thing. I'm 21 years old and feel some sort of connection with a 62 year old man. I keep thinking in my head that it's never going to work out. I'm afraid to talk to anyone without feeling embarrassed. Am I crazy? So many thoughts have been running through my head eversince this past Monday night. We've known each other for years, he's a family friend. He's been coming over alot. Good friends with my parents. The other night him and I were sitting in the living room while everyone went to bed. We had so much to talk about. He made me laugh so much, we joked around, even flirted for the first time. He's a big flirt anyway. We talked about age differences and even relationships we've had with other people in the past. I just couldn't imagine having a conversation about that kinda stuff with a 62 year old man. Felt like we connected that night. We stayed up all night long talking. He's so easy to talk to about anything. I feel like I can trust him. Just a feeling came over me when he asked me if I was ticklish and tried to tickle my foot. He's even said he liked my smile and thinks I'm a beautiful woman. He said if he was much younger he would've been waiting outside my door step waiting to ask me out. Wow! He's never been married, he has 2 kids (who are grown and have kids of their own of course) He's about my height and he doesn't act his age. He's funny and acts like a big kid at heart. The oldest I've dated was was about 33, when I was 18 I dated a 33 year old. That's the oldest and I told myself that I wasn't going to date anyone much older than 33. I felt like I needed to vent because it's been on my mind since the other night when we connected.
Ugh! I keep telling myself that I'm crazy for even thinking I have feelings for this man.
I found out my old man crush is in love with me. Damn! and he's 61.
I am 24 and have a huge crush on a 65 year old. I suppose I have always had a thing for older men, but not that much older! I generally just like men of all ages a lot...
I may have feelings for someone, and after a week they are gone. No one is ever good enough for me, and I'm so particular. I have a lot of special things such as being vegetarian, etc, and this 65 year old is absolutely perfect. I normally have no problem with making moves on men when I like them, but obviously this is completely different. He has two children who are my age - a little bit younger, actually (19 and 22). I get so excited when I know that I am going to see him, but then I feel so sad when I realize that he probably has no special feelings for me in return. Even if he did, he probably wouldn't act on them, because of his children. And, his wife died 17 years ago of a brain tumor. When I think of that I feel so desperately compassionate, and also so completely out of line. I should just leave him alone, but I want to do special things for him, like make him works of art or share music or funny videos with him.
But, he's so very active. He is a college professor, and a writer and scientist, and he dances in his rare free time. He may be 65 years old, but not inside! He is amazing.
So, first of all, there are quite a few men who are in love with me, and I don't want them. I want someone who seems to not want another woman after his wife, and who probably is not interested in me at all. But he inspires me. I work harder in many areas because of him.
Wow, I'm really sleepy. Sorry for rambling. I wonder how I can find out if I have a chance at all with him without making him uncomfortable, or if I should just try to forget about my feelings, and hope for another person to come along with all of the amazing qualities that I love in him. Hmmm...
Casting my vote into the abyss. At 25, the most attractive and charming man I've met is 61. We used to work together, but no longer. Pity.
I have the same problem. I'm in my mid 20s and I think that I'm developing a crush on my boss who is in his 50s. We're both married but I really can't help it. I don't think that I'm sexually attracted to him but I just enjoy being around him a lot! He makes me laugh a lot and he's just endearing!!
I wish he was my Dad so I could be around him all the time. I also wish I could give him big hugs every day. Is this a crush? I will not act upon it but I so wish I could tell him how I feel...
huh ladies thanks for your comments as I have been puzzled by my attraction towards a 21 yo who, I think, have a crush on me.( I am 49)
I do like her a lot but I am still a bit worried of the age difference but after reading your comments I feel better
i'm 23 and my crush is 68. like everyone else, i think it's an abnormal thing, it's not going to work. i wonder when to be realistic, when not to be... because an attraction's an attraction, no? i'm not the only one feeling it, i'm sure he feels the same with me. i can feel it from the way he looks at me.
he's my piano teacher and basically the only person besides my best friend who i can actually talk and discuss with about a lot of things. with him i can talk of goethe, mann, bach, chopin, ravel, scriabin, of his young years in luebeck... a rare quality to be found in men of my age. besides, his music is something that can actually touch the deepest parts of me. and i'd actually like to have sex with him to see how it would affect me physically, mentally.
thank you for writing such an amazing post. :-)
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