I heart trainwrecks

Thanks to that Rubberneckers blog, Tearfree has discovered the original Trainwrecks. All she can say is WOW! RTK readers are not alone. There are more sane people in the blogosphere. Tearfree was far from the first to comment on the craziness of Mummy Bloggers.

Wow, wow, wow!!! Tearfee totally hearts Trainwrecks.

Maybe we should fill them in on our favourite Trainwreck blogger...

And, sorry Rubberneckers, but you're not doing a better job -- at least so far.

My dog is cuter than your dog

I really want this T-shirt even if I hate the designer.

D**chebag of the Week

I know Tearfree doesn't like swearing and naughty language, but I am afraid that I simply couldn't let the week pass without nominating Rush Limbaugh for the inaugural (or one and only?) Reject the Koolaid D**chebag of the Week Award.

Has anyone ever stooped quite so low in recent memory? Accusing a brave man who seems to be slowly dying before our eyes of faking his illness?

I loathed him before, now I simply want to fly down to wherever he is and kick-box him til he begs for mercy like the pathetic lard-arsed weakling that he is. He's a hateful painkiller junkie too weak to kick the Percodans yet he calls Michael J. Fox a faker -- and not just that, but he imitates him.

Despicable.

Payback is a B#$"%?

For years Toronto has been sending their garbage to the U.S.

Monday Canada got paid back!


bayl

More Rubber Necking

Glad to see someone else taking on those idiotic Mummy Bloggers. Last week Peoplewatcher dissed a certain pretentious, long-winded Mummy Blogger who spends an inordinate amount of time going on about academic qualifications she doesn't have. Today, she's got another Mummy Blogger in her sights. Ouch!

The Russians are coming

And we'll beat them at this just like we beat them at hockey!

Do not despair

Tearfree is committed to following the Crocs/escalator story through until we get some answers. In the mean time, the Gifted Typist sent this wonderful photo.

Party's over!

And a good time was had by all. Tearfree sent the girls for manis and pedis at a downtown nail salon. A highlight of their visit was a woman who went ballistic over her French pedicure, claiming the aesthetician gave her a line that looked like liquid paper when she specially asked for a pencil thin line. Apparently she tried to storm out without paying, the salon owner locked the door, and then the client unloaded the entire contents of her wallet onto the cash counter and challenged the owner to call the police. Well, the girls were fascinated and felt like they were on the set of their own reality TV show -- and all this while they were receiving manicures. Wow!

After the salon, they came home for spaghetti, garlic bread, salad and cake. Everyone took turns getting into Bridget's crate including Tearfree. She would post photos of the crate challenge but it would be too awful to have the type of people who google "12-year-old girls in cages" showing up here and examining the photos. Not to mention the fact that the guests' parents might get very, very mad at Tearfree. So, for those very valid reasons, Tearfree's going to refrain from displaying photographic memories.
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Read more about Tearfree's party history.

Dr. Oetker does caramel

Update: Tearfree microwaved a leftover lava cake on Saturday and it was top notch. In fact it was a good reason not to use the DR. O-provided foil cake tims unless of course you have one of those new microwaves that can take metals.
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Caramel is in. Tearfree knows this because she read it in the New York Times. But regardless, Tearfree has always been a caramel/butterscotch lover, preferring caramel dipped cones and sundaes to chocolate. So today when she saw that Dr. Oetker is now making a caramel lava cake, she threw it right into her shopping cart and rushed home to bake it up.

What Tearfree didn't realize until she had already greased up her own ramekins, and the cat had licked one of them, is that Dr. O thoughtfully provides little foil cups.

The baking process was super easy and quick. And despite the fact that Tearfree over cooked the cakes (again!) by two minutes, they were still nice and runny. Getting them out of the very generously buttered ramekins was also tricky and resulted in some damage, but Tearfree will refrain from passing judgment until she tries the foil cups.

She must warn you all though that these lava cakes, like almost all things caramel, are very sweet so if you don't have a sweet tooth, forget it!

Is this what the average Johnny has to look forward to?

An average day for little Johnny:

1. Wake-up: Not too early because everybody wants little Johnny to get the right amount of sleep.

2. Get dressed: In clothing that is not to flashy, skimpy, or denotes any kind fashion or religion, because we don't want to get in trouble for making other kids react in any kind of way.

3. Eat breakfast: Not everybody is convinced this is good, so don't force the issue.

4. Heaven forbid the child does something as dangerous as taking a school bus or walk to school,
(that link is from a lawyer firm......go figure)

5. Make it to school to learn about I don't know what , except teachers today have to look busy and overworked while wearing their hemp clothing.

4. Recess/Lunch: Simple fun things are now banned so just stand there and stare at your friends and don't even think about peanut butter, milk, roast beef sandwich, etc.

5. Make it to the end of the day and the various hazards of returning home to find an empty house or one parent stessed out about no money and the other parent, should you live with 2 parents, working a lot to make ends meet.

Go to bed and prepare to repeat.


bayl

Weird Commercial

I have become fixated lately on that commercial where the lovely, fetching woman with short dark hair makes her way home wearing a jaunty short-sleeved pale-blue dress. She arrives in her posh apartment, removes the dress, tosses it in her new high-tech steam dryer -- something I desire almost as badly as I want someone to come to my house and blow-dry my hair every morning -- waits for the wonder machine to work its magic, puts the dress back on, adds a lovely scarf to update the pretty dress for night-time, and leaves to go out for dinner, it seems, with her handsome husband.

My question is this: If you've got enough money to afford the $10,000 steam dryer, surely to God you've got enough money to have more than one dress in your closet, no?

Blogging will be light today...

... because it's Tearfree's daughter's birthday.

Ma chère PDT Princess, c'est à ton tour de te laisser parler d'amour.

Can Jack Multi-task?

I have been very quiet recently because I unfortunately cannot multi-task. In fact I am so bad at it my wife has asked me to do the world a favor and not multi-task.

What I have been doing is reading. A book written by Hugh Laurie entitled "The Gun Seller". Hugh Laurie is the actor who plays Dr. Gregory House on my favorite show House and it is obvious that Hugh is helping with the writing of the TV show.

My problem is the book is OK, but when one tries to be sarcastic and flippant (much like the character Dr. House) for 338 pages it just becomes a weird read (maybe our commentor jp should take a few hints here). It is a good story line and the characters have exactly that character, but I found myself having to doubt the almost Supermanish abilities of the lead character.

This brings me to Jack.

Do any Jack, Keiffer, fans think he could write a book about a Doctor who runs around serious and stuff curing people with unusual diseases, and make that book interesting?

Maybe we should just leave the multi-tasking to the women folk.

bayl

Changing lipstick colours

We're not all softwood lumber and high seas trawling here at RTK. Tonight's post is lipstick.

Yesterday Tearfree bought herself a tube of Mac Captive for the first time since she gave it up 18 months ago. She originally renounced Captive because she realized she'd been wearing it for 10 years and she feels it's important to change your main lipstick colour every two or three years.

Tearfree's mainstay lipstick since giving up Captive has been Tulip by Bobbi Brown, which she really likes but is too summery for fall and winter.

Now Tearfree has fairly white skin and she needs pink and red tones in her lipsticks. She can't do browns and beiges. Anything too purple brings out the dark circles under her eyes. And if it's too sheer or minimalist, she might as well be wearing nothing, which makes her feel nude.

Can anyone suggest a good new lipstick for Tearfree. Or is it okay to wear the same lipstick colour for 12 years (or forever like Paloma Picasso?) Presumably they wouldn't still be selling Captive if it weren't a great colour

RTK: A blog of influence

Tearfree is happy to announce that barely a few days after joining the Gifted Typist's high seas trawling campaign, we are already getting results.



Just like with softwood lumber, we've got the power!

Exclusive RTK Interview: The hottest prof on ratemyprofessors.com

What better way to get everyone going on a Monday morning than an RTK scoop. Tearfree, who never stops looking for ways to improve her ratemyprofessors.com rating, has scored a major exclusive -- an interview with Steve Joordens, the University of Toronto psychology professor, who ranks number one on RMP's list of the 50 Hottest Professors in North America.

What's it like to be the hottest prof on RMP?

Kind of silly, but fun I guess. Makes for some good laughs for my students and family. I fully realize this is due largely to the fact that I teach such large classes, and that I actually use this site as a funny example in class.

How long have you been aware you’re number one?

One of my students mentioned it to me, maybe a few months ago. I don't think they used to have this listing -- the top 50 list -- at all in previous years.

Do you check up on your hotness status regularly?

I like to read the comments people write as that really gives me a sense of what my class is thinking, so I likely check that page once or twice a month during the term that I do most of my teaching. I usually peek at the Top 50 list when I check my ratings. Human nature I guess.

Are many people aware of your hotness status? Colleagues? Your dentist? People who just happen to google you and mention in passing, "Steve, I saw you're the number one hottest prof on RMP?"

Yeah, that happens. My previous or current students, or my colleagues will mention it. My oldest sister seems to find all this especially entertaining. She actually sent me some quote from your blog this morning, so she's even reading you because of me!

Ever had any other media coverage or is RTK the first to bring this Canadian success story to a wider audience?

NO, you're it so far!

Are you married?

Yes, very happily.

How does your wife feel about it?

She says things like "go get'em tiger!"

What about the university sexual harassment office? Are you subject to extra scrutiny due to your hotness rating?

No, not at all. I suspect that one of the reasons I get the peppers I do is because of how I talk about my wife and family in class. My wife works on campus and we still believe in doing things like holding hands as we walk together… and she and I have a rock band that plays on campus.

How would you describe your looks?

"Tall, dark and two out of three ain't bad!". Any of your viewers who
would like to see me in action giving a talk I feel passionately about, check out http://www.utsc.utoronto.ca/~psya01/AnimalLectureT2.rm. (Note: Tearfree couldn't get this link to work so let's hope Steve will be able to send another one)


How do you feel about being compared to Napoleon Dynamite?

Honestly, I have yet to see that movie although I have seen the character. When I grow my goatee out I sometimes get "Weird Al Yankovic" with one student even giving me a "Matthew McConaughey" (Yeah right!)

Tearfree’s hero is Jack Bauer. Have you got any Jack in you?

I'm taller, kinder, louder, perhaps more creative, less physical, less hairy, and more likely to try to convince the bad guys to see the bigger picture, rather than break their knuckles and spit in their faces…Of course, we're both good old Canadian boys

To what would you attribute your hotness ratings?

I teach many students, and I mention the site in class. In addition, I think I teach with passion and humour (I absolutely love teaching!) and I use examples the students can relate to.

There is another aspect as well. I teach live to 500 students, then Another 1000 watch my lectures as streaming video. There is something odd about seeing someone on TV or streaming video that gives them some sense of famousness that isn't there with a traditional lecture. When my online students see me in real life they literally seem excited and surprised, as though I were famous.

Do you encourage students to give you chili peppers?

No, not directly. There is no doubt that by mentioning the site in class I bring more people to the site than would otherwise be there. And perhaps by joking about the peppers I make it more likely they will give me one (I also like to joke that my percent of peppers is greater than the percent of females in my class, so I must also be attracting male votes, which is very cool.)

You're a psych prof. Can you assure us there's no mind control at work here?

Worse! I'm a psych prof with a history of research in subliminal perception. I bet everyone reading this discussion will soon be eating popcorn without knowing why!

What tips can you give the rest of us for improving our RMP hotness ratings?

Let me see. Maybe you could make up a fake name, degree and institution and convince everyone who reads your blog to give you peppers. Oh wait, that's been done.

Seriously though, if people want to be liked for who they are, regardless of looks, I suggest the following. Form opinions and be ready to communicate those opinions clearly and with passion. BUT, once your opinion is stated, listen carefully to other opinions and perspectives and be very willing to change your own opinion accordingly. That is, one should not confuse passion with an unwillingness to consider new information.

Being number one, are you worried about slipping down in the ranks? Number two, Hugo Schwyzer, is fiercely competitive.

I'm less worried about opportunities slipping away, more worried about using them to their maximum while they're here. Give me an audience, for any reason, and I will try my best to use it.

Last word to you…

I think the Red Hot Chili Peppers should invite me and my wife backstage at one of their concerts in recognition of our common Chili Pepper fame.
Final final word: All these peppers are nice, but really there is only one person whose opinion of my attractiveness really matters to me, and she treats me like Jalapeño. Thanks babe, I love ya.

Note to readers: Tearfree edited this interview, cutting down the length and rearranging a few questions. If there are any typos or other errors, please blame Tearfree and not Steve, who was a total mensch about all this. Honestly, it's no wonder the guy is number one (even if the 1,500 students give him a big head start over Tearfree who doesn't even have 150, but let's not go there...)

Painful Motherhood Moment

I have a very sweet relationship with my 12-year-old son. He is a doll, kind-hearted and funny. Every night for his entire life before he goes to bed, we snuggle in his bed and talk about his day for five minutes. Sometimes he reminds me if I forget. We have our chat, I give him a kiss goodnight, tell him I love him and turn out the light.

The other day he suffered his first heartbreak at the hands of a girl. I am astonished that any girl could dump a boy as handsome, funny, bright and good-natured as him, but I suppose that is what any mother would say. But anyway, so the time came for him to go to bed, I settled in for the nightly snuggle-chat figuring tonight of all nights he could use some TLC ... and he told me TO GO AWAY. Not snarkily, just as in: No thanks, Mom, I am too old for this now.

I actually heard myself saying to him, like a needy girlfriend being dumped: "But what's changed???!!???"

He is growing up. While I am proud of him for it, on the other hand I wanted to take to my own bed and weep bitterly.

High Seas Trawling

Yes, you read that right, high seas trawling. We here at RTK are no strangers to difficult topics like softwood lumber, but now that that issue has been settled, it's time to turn our attentions elsewhere. So Tearfree would like to encourage everyone to study up on this crucial fisheries issue over at Atlantic blogger, Gifted Typist.

Coming up: Hottest Prof Intvu

Excellent news. Steve Joordens, the Toronto psychology professor, who tops ratemyprofessors.com's 50 hottest professors list, has agreed to give an exclusive interview to RTK so watch for it to appear in the days ahead.

Tearfree knew that the kind of guy who tops the hottest profs list had to be a good sport. She's hoping to pick up some tips on how to improve her ratemyprofs.com rating from the interview.

White bread and proud

Last week, Tearfree received a sympathetic ear when she complained about nutritionists so it’s time once again to take this pesky profession to task for its delusions. Today, Tearfree would like to deal with nutritionists’ claim that if you feed a child good food right from the beginning, they will develop a taste for it and reject junk food. An example they give is that if you get your kids started on whole grain bread, they won’t ever want white.

Well, wrong, wrong, wrong. And easy to verify through simple observational evidence.

Tearfree’s daughter refused to eat whole grain bread – hated it-- despite the fact that it was the first bread she ever received. She preferred no bread to whole wheat. To this day she won’t eat a whole wheat hotdog bun even though Tearfree is skeptical that there are actually any whole wheat grains in whole wheat hotdog buns (and no the hot dog is not tofu.)

Tearfree is far from alone in having observed this phenomenon. Every second mother knows kids who don’t like healthy foods despite having never received anything else. Now, Tearfree is not suggesting that a happy meal be substituted for a lovingly prepared organic spread, she merely wants nutritionists to recognize that putting a plate of healthy food in front of a kid is not the same as having the kid actually eat it and that many kids do not like “healthy” foods. Denying this just makes the nutritionists look like they don’t know what they’re talking about, which, most of the time, they don’t.

And while we’re on the subject of white bread, let Tearfree just say that it is way underrated. Croissants are a food of the Gods. Crispy baguette with good butter, wow. And can anything beat a grilled cheese sandwich on white sandwich bread from a good bakery? As much as Tearfree likes her whole grains, there is a time and a place for white bread.

This shocks some of Tearfree’s friends who never ever eat white bread, including one who once called Tearfree up and said, “I have some white bread left over from Linda’s party. I don’t want to give it to the pigeons because it makes them sick and bloated. And I know you eat white bread so do you want it?”

Looks like we made it

October 12, a day that will live in history.

RTK Update

Things are quiet around here, too quiet for Tearfree's liking so she's going out and doing some investigative reporting of her own. She's going to get to the bottom of the Crocs escalator safety issue and has already e-mailed the company's spokeswoman, Tia Mattson requesting the official Crocs' POV on whether or not it's safe to wear Crocs footwear on escalators. We await her response.



Tearfree has also requested an exclusive interview with the Toronto psychology professor, who tops ratemyprofessors.com's 50 hottest professors list. We Canadians need to know more about our national heros and 168 chili peppers deserves is an accomplishment that merits attention.

Also, regular commentator anonymASS has volunteered to post about the threading hair removal method. Well, you go girl. Send Tearfree your post and in return, she will photograph and post her new fall shoes and winter boots.

Plus, Concerned Lumberjack will send details of his new life on Bay Street. And much much more all coming up on Reject the Koolaid.

Dinner and diapers

Two articles in the weekend paper that Tearfree feels compelled to comment on. First off, author Miriam Weinstein’s piece on the merits of families sitting down to dinner together. Well, it’s hard to argue with that (although given how we’ve just witnessed the debunking of the benefits of breakfast, Tearfree would certainly be open to a counterintuitive point of view), but what about her statement that “making food for you loved ones is one of life’s joys. Nourishing each other is what families are about. It doesn’t have to be fancy, but it should be something that makes you feel good.”


Hello, earth to Miriam. Nourishing your family is “one of life’s joys” if you like to cook and find it relaxing. If you do not like to cook – and yes, there are regular well-balanced women out there who don’t like to cook – nourishing your family is one of life’s ordeals. I can’t tell you how many women I know who are completely sick of the endless cycle of meal preparation.

Stop feeding us this pap about cooking for your family being a joy, complete with its subtext that if you are one of the many women who don’t find food preparation a joy that there’s something wrong with you.

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Next up, the diaper free movement, which Tearfree has always believed needed to be thoroughly investigated, turns out to be, well, not diaper free.

One of the things that has always made Tearfree suspicious is how diaper free advocates extol the benefits of third-world baby care. For example Ingrid Bauer, author of a new diaper free book and a resident of Saltspring Island no less, told the Globe and Mail, “I was talking to a friend who had been to India and who had seen mums taking their small babies off a bus during stops to pee by the side of the road.”

OK folks, Indian buses. You see carcasses of them by the side of every highway in India. The country has one of, if not, the worst bus fatality record in the world. These buses don’t have toilets so everyone pees by the side of the road, which Tearfree knows from unpleasant firsthand experience. Why don’t we just adopt that little bit of Indian toilet hygiene while we’re at it? (For a complete treatise on shit in India, Tearfree recommends V.S. Naipaul’s An Area of Darkness. While things have definitely improved since it was published in 1964, it would still not be wise to use India as a model of baby hygiene and elimination practices.)

The same goes for China, the other country diaper free advocates are always holding up as an example to emulate. No one who’s ever visited a Chinese public toilet, frequented by the masses, wouldn’t raise at least one question about the soundness of adopting the bathroom habits of rural Chinese peasants and their children.

Diapers rock and if you need further convincing, go here.

Sounds about right to Tearfree...

..... who just took the "Which Jane Ausen Character Are You?" quiz. (Hat tip: normblog) Of course, alert readers will have picked up on the Dashwood reference too.

Which Jane Austen Character Are You?

You are Eliza Bennett from Pride and Prejudice! Yay, you! Perhaps the brightest and best character in all of English literature, you are intelligent, lively, lovely-- in short, you are the best of company. Your only foibles are that you stick with your first impressions... and your family is quite intolerable.
Take this quiz!








Quizilla |
Join

| Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

Bridget's boudoir

Tearfree likes this picture of Bridget in her new crate, complete with purple satin pillow, because it makes her look like a possessed Omen dog.

The power of myth

On this Friday before Thanksgiving (the Canadian version that is), Tearfree would like to revisit two issues that have received a lot of coverage here at RTK:

1) l’Affaire Jan Wong
2) Whether it’s possible to identify a potential psycho killer in one's midst

Since the Jan Wong controversy sprung up, Tearfree has had a number of conversations, both on-line and in the flesh, with people who take a where-there’s-smoke-there’s-fire approach to the whole affair and also tend to feel that large number of Anglos have been driven out of Montreal.

First of all, Tearfree would like to make the obvious point that where there is smoke there is often not fire as when Tearfree’s smoke alarm goes off every time she cooks a roast in the oven. So please, do not argue this point with Tearfree.

What Tearfree will, however, not deny about the Jan Wong discussion, is that many people, including some who Tearfree had previously considered in possession of clearer reasoning skills, agreed with Jan Wong. It seems that the anglo Quebec psyche is deeply scarred with a huge sense of grievance.

Many people, and not just those who call radio talk shows, really do believe they or their nearest and dearest were driven out of Quebec, but then when you push them for the details, it seems they left for better opportunities or because they couldn’t speak French and couldn’t be bothered to learn. They weren’t, as they put it, forced to leave. It’s just a very powerful myth they need to believe in and which for some bizarre reason seems to offer them some strange kind of comfort.
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On the psycho killer front, Tearfree has long maintained that if she had a future psycho killer in her midst, she would be aware that the person in question was deeply weird and possibly extremely dangerous. Of course since she, to the best of her knowledge, has never come into close contact with a psycho killer this is pure speculation on her part. It is based solely on seeing the two types of reaction when the identity of a psycho killer is revealed.

Reaction 1: He always seemed like such a nice guy. This is demonstrated by Chantilly M. Maertens, posting her thoughts at Maisonneuve online (scroll down to read her entire post:)

My husband and I met Kimveer Gill while working at Marconi Optical Networks, in Dorval (Quebec), in 2001. Kimveer, whom we got to know as well as one does get to know a work collegue, seemed to be a fine young man, one issued from good upbringing, complete with an important set of personal values. He initially appeared somewhat shy and reserved but when one approached him, Kimveer displayed an unusually kind and sensitive spirit and, whenever an appropriate occasion arose, he would sometimes grant us the gift of his warm, bright smile. Kimveer was soft spoken. His was a gentle, tender soul. Least, things were so, but a mere five years ago. This, from our own professional experience with him.

Reaction 2: He was always a bit off. You saw this reaction in the former classmates who Kimveer chased home from school, the former buddy who when he heard the news about the Dawson shooting wondered if Kimveer had done it, and the army training camp bunkmates who recognized Gill for one deeply strange guy. (Will try and post links later)

Tearfree has always considered herself a keen observer of human nature and likes to believe she would fall into category 2. However she will admit that this could just be wishful thinking on her part as her observational skills have never been put to the test (or if they have, she was unaware of it meaning she clearly failed the test.)

So Tearfree was interested to read in Christie Blatchford’s Wednesday column on the Amish shooting that many experts maintain that you cannot necessarily identify sickos like the one who murdered the Amish girls. Of course just because one is an “expert” doesn’t make one right, but still it did give Tearfree pause for thought given that she has never had (or doesn't think she's had) any direct experience with real sickos.

Tearfree will say however that there does also seem to be an element of the mythical attached to this idea that deeply dangerous psychos walk among us and are impossible to identify, when every life experience she has had would seem to directly contradict this theory.

Part of what interests Tearfree about both these stories is just how much myth still plays such a key role in our 21st century lives.

Happy Thanksgiving in spite of it all.

Winner's club

Ok, so the new boss wants to feel like he is part of the remaining team and he heard I run the 6/49 ticket pool at work. He left his $2 with my one of my still standing co-workers, with a cheesy note about how he wanted to party on the same beach with me, when the TEAM wins and left for Toronto.

I know it is not his fault 2 individuals I enjoyed working with got sacked to cover up some upper management mistake, but I could not help myself with my first thought: F off.

Unfortunately I know, like a sap, I will walk around the building and collect the money and include his $2, I just better not tell anybody else.

bayl

We're beautiful

Despite all Tearfree's best efforts not to become a James Blunt destination blog, it looks like -- thanks to Sara -- RTK is now getting James Blunt traffic. Gaaa!



Update: It has come to Tearfree's attention that RTK now has a link ("We're Beautiful," second from the bottom) at a James Blunt fan site. How on earth did this happen?

Goodbye and good riddance Mr. Rogers!

Regular readers are aware that our 3-1/2 month old puppy Bridget recently ate through the central telephone wire at Chez Tearfree, cutting off all home telephone service. The Rogers repairman was booked to come today for what the company euphemistically refers to as an “all-day appointment.” Nevertheless by 3 p.m. when no repair guy had showed up, Tearfree, being the naturally suspicious type she is, called (on her Rogers Blackberry) to find out what was going on. She was bounced back and forth from one Rogers customer service automaton to another, having various conversations, which went like this:

Rogers automaton: Did you have an appointment?

Tearfree: Do you think I’m a complete idiot and would just stay home hoping a Rogers telephone repairman would fall out of the sky and ring my bell. Of course I made an appointment and of course it was today. Can’t you see that in your files.

Rogers automaton: Our company protocol requires we ask.

Tearfree: Why don’t you just look in my effing file?

Finally after half an hour of endlessly repeating her postal code for “security” reasons, Tearfree discovered that Rogers had cancelled the visit because they had no alternate phone number for her.

Never mind that she has a Rogers wireless account which she uses to call her home voice mail and where she could have picked up a message to confirm the repair visit. Never mind that even if she didn’t have a Rogers wireless account, she could have still called her home voice mail and picked up a message. No, they just cancelled the visit for which she had stayed home all day without informing anyone because they had neglected to ask her to provide an alternate phone number, which they should have had on file any way.

After delivering that ridicuous news, a Rogers automaton told Tearfree, she couldn’t can’t get another appointment for seven business days. No apologies, no regrets, no faint sign of recognition that maybe since they had totally fucked up, they should, you know, possibly take steps to fix the situation. Nothing, nada, rien. Just too bad. Even worse, when Tearfree asked to speak to a superior, they said no.

Tearfree realized she was in a hopeless situation so she simply hung up and phoned back, at which point she reached Jason, who seemed to understood her frustrations and said he was trying to get through to the technical department to get them to dispatch a technician today, which they should be able to do. Tearfree was convinced Jason was going to settle the whole affair but he never phoned back as he had promised he would.

So, Tearfree, who has had many other frustrations with Rogers over the past two years, decided the end had come. She has now signed up for telephone services with Videotron, who will deal with Rogers for her so she will never have to speak to them again. The only drawback is that in order to keep her wonderful phone number, Videotron must have seven business days to communicate with Rogers so Tearfree will not have a home phone until October 17.

Tearfree has only one regret: that she didn’t record all her conversations with the various Rogers automatons, because what she went through was far more dramatic than the guy who tried to cancel his AOL account.

If anyone out there can explain to Tearfree can explain why companies spend so much time and effort to acquire customers and then lose them so casually, please enlighten Tearfree and her readers.

Update: On Jacy's recommendation, Tearfree has just e-mailed Rogers exec, Jan Innes. Hope RTK doesn't get a reputation for picking on people named Jan.

Revising Neil Armstrong’s Quote: One small step backwards

Tearfree discovered this week that grammarians, a caste of people possibly more annoying than nutritionists – and I say this as a lover of language – have had their knickers in a knot for decades over Neil Armstrong’s moon-landing quote which they claim is grammatically incorrect and which can, apparently, now be corrected.

Thanks to her father, who made her stay up late and drive to the hotel nearest our cottage to watch the moon walk on the grainiest TV screen ever, Tearfree actually witnessed the historic moment in question and she has always been rather taken with Armstrong’s quote: “One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.”

She finds it inexplicable that certain “grammarians” maintain, it should have been: “One small step for A man, one giant leap for mankind.”

First of all, that sounds awful. The insertion of the indefinite article destroys the rythym. It is absolutely, hands down, a change for the worse.

What’s more, there is nothing wrong with the first version. Man without an article is not as be, these ill-informed grammarians maintain, nthing more than a synonym for mankind. Tearfree just hauled out her OED and there it is under definition 2: “In abstract or generic sense, without article: the human creature regarded abstractly and personified as an individual; human beings collectively; the human race or species; mankind.”

So, there was absolutely nothing wrong with what Armstrong said, which was just one small step for the human creature, one giant leap for mankind. The grammarians have, as usual, in their can’t-see-the-forest-for-the-trees way not only gotten it wrong but come up with a “fix” that sounds clunky and awful

Alas, Armstrong, probably brutalized at some point by some ill-informed English grammar teachers, has always insisted he said “a man,” showing, once again, that some people just don’t know what’s best either for themselves or for mankind's quotation history.

Tearfree's sticking with what she heard the first time around and she recommends you do the same.

Update: Nitpicking lawyer XRLQ accuses Tearfree of "defend(ing) the indefensible." Sorry fella, but I'm not about to advice on issues literary from a guy who calls himself XRLQ.

Meanwhile the wannabe quote-changers keep harping on about how "one small step for A man" means something different from one small step for man. But Tearfree's point is that in this context, it absolutely does not.

Finally, a distinguished linguist from a famous university south of the border agrees with Tearfree in private corresponcence that neither quote is wrong but notes that Armstrong's wishes are important. Tearfree sees his point and says, ok, record both versions for posterity -- with a big asterisk.

The rest of my Life

Recently the company I work for has had to make some dramatic changes in the way they operate and the personel involved in getting the job done. HQ has fired managers left and right, including the guy that hired me, in an attempt to cover up the hiring of a top executive (#2 in pecking order) who in the end had little more experience than "greeter" at a Wal-Mart in Toronto.

The reasoning behind all the firing is the usual "we are victims of current economic forces, and tough choices had to be made." When these guys say this do they think the people that are listening are not thinking. I happen to know that our branch alone, even in these "tough times" has made money, not alot of money but we have managed to squeak out a profit. I contribute it to my general manager, who even though his hands were tied with the most useless service manager since the job was invented, he was able to rally the troops and carry on.

With this turn of events I am at a crossroad. It has been made perfectly clear to me that the job I have now will be the same job I have in 20 years should I chose to stay.

Customer Service is all right, but I just can't remember the conversation I had with myself back in grade 3 about how desperately I wanted to be in customer service and what a fulfilling life it would bring.

There are a few opportunites around and they boil down to this:

1. Move to Alberta and get caught up in the job boom surrounding the oil business.

2. Call in a favor and get into another trucking company close by at the start up level where the possibilities for financial and professional reward are great indeed.

3. Start looking for jobs in Ottawa, an hour drive away, with a job skill set that leans heavily on Customer Service.

4. The local towing company is looking for full time help, and I have no idea what it pays.

5. Do nothing, see what happens where I am.

I can't say either way what I will do, but I can honestly say that I absolutely remember the conversation back in grade 3 with myself about how cool it would be to drive a tow truck!!

bayl

ihatecrocs.com

This croc-hating website features a special croc-burning video complete with Johnny Cash soundtrack.

Another "normal" day

As regular readers know Tearfree has a bit of a bee in her bonnet about whacko psychos who commit horrendous murders and the people that say, “Oh, no, he was a totally normal guy, nothing strange going on there.”

Well, last night on the National, Alison Smith reported this familiar narrative yet again -- telling viewers that the whacko perpetrator of the atrocity against the Amish girls hadn’t given any indication he was about to go off the rails.

First of all, how the hell would Alison know? Because his wife said so? Well, she would, wouldn’t she? Or do we really believe that one day a regular guy just gets up and takes his stockpiled ammo and wipes a bunch of Amish girls off the face of the earth with no prior warning?

People know these sickos are sick. They are either in denial about it or figure reporting it wouldn’t do any good because no one would believe he was more than the average weirdo. Maybe there is no solution to this madness. Denial is what it is and the police can't spend their time doing in-depth investigations of every garden variety weirdo. But, at the very least, in our private lives, we should all stay away from people exhibiting the symptoms of craziness when it actually is possible.

R.I.P.

A Terrible Laser Eye Surgery Oversight

As regular readers of Reject the Koolaid are aware, I have a terror of facial hair. I don't mean bearded men walking down the street, I mean my own facial hair. I have become obsessed with scanning in magnifying mirrors, waxing, tweezing and plucking even though I am assured by those who love me that no one has ever noticed anything untoward. "That's because of my obsessive maintenance ritual," I think to myself, trembling in fear.

So this weekend I got laser-eye surgery. Because I couldn't see. I couldn't see what time it was in the middle of the night when I glanced at the clock radio, I couldn't tell which blond kid was standing at the end of my bed in the morning asking for things, I couldn't function without finding my eyeglasses or putting in my contact lenses first thing in the morning. And this had been going on since I was 12, and I was sick of it.

However, it was also coming to the point that I couldn't read anything with my contacts in; I had to wear reading glasses. The doctors warned me: "We are fixing your near-sightedness. There is nothing we can do about the reading problem. You will still have to wear reading glasses." "No problem," I said. "Reading glasses, schmeading glasses! For 20/20 long-distance vision, what do I care if I have to don a pair of reading glasses every now and again. Phooey!!!"

But guess what? I reallllllllllly reallllllllly have to wear reading glasses now. Without them on, I can't see anything close up. Basically, I have traded one vision problem for another. But here is my fear -- I could have whiskers or eyebrow hair right now popping out all over the place and I can't see them. How does one pluck one's eyebrows while wearing reading glasses????!!??? How???!!??? This is something I hadn't thought of. I am completely obsessed with removing every possible stray hair or chin whisker that appears, AND NOW I CAN'T SEE THEM!!!!

Magnifying mirrors don't work -- I still can't focus close up. So now I have taken to softly stroking my chin, by brow bone and my face all day long, and then trying to tweeze anything that I think I feel there in practical blindness.

Sweet Jesus what have I done? I am in my early 40s and still looking pretty good, if I do say so myself -- I got asked for ID this summer, yes, it's true -- but surely those halcyon days are coming to an end. Soon I will be a hairy-faced woman with poorly applied makeup. There will be whiskers sprouting that people will be too mortified to tell me about. For the sake of perfect long-distance vision, I am going to soon be an ugly, hideous old crone.

UPDATE: It certainly is nice, however, to be able to see a street sign from three blocks away.

Breakfast hype exposed!

Nutritionists have to be about the most annoying people in the world. They're always saying things like, " Just eat an apple instead of a chocolate bar" or "Take the nice crispy skin off your roast chicken and put it on the side of your plate." They don't seem to understand that much as Tearfree likes apples, they don't replace chocolate bars, and that the skin is the whole point of roast chicken. In fact, come to think of it, nutritionists are probably exactly the people who live next door to a serial killer and don't realize it because they're so focused on getting him to cut down on junk food.

But Tearfree digresses. Thanks to CBC Radio's Go, which tipped her off to this article on Breakfast Hype, Tearfree has learned that one of nutritionists' most sacred cows is not so sacred. Yes dear readers, BREAKFAST MIGHT NOT BE GOOD FOR YOU!!! IT IS NOT THE MOST IMPORTANT MEAL OF THE DAY!!!! It turns out that the scientific data supporting breakfast is about as sound as the statistics supporting Jan Wong's sociological analysis of Quebec. (Or, the pillars supporting Quebec highway overpasses.)

Of course anyone who's ever devoted any thought to this breakfast fraud knew it was highly suspicious. As Joe Fiorito pointed out years ago, if nutritionists were really right, you'd think we'd see more evidence of the ill effects of breakfastlessness, like breakfastless people passing out on the subways mid-morning or the likes. What Tearfree wants to know, however, is how the breakfast fraud got this far.

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At the watercooler: Unfortunately it’s not only nutritionists who’ve helped hype breakfast but mothers the world over as well, so anyone who attempts to proselytize against breakfast is going to be goring a whole lot of very sacred cows. It’s probably better just to savour this news alone over a nice hot latte and nothing else.

Call to action: If your kids don’t like breakfast you can quit bugging them about it as long as you’re sure they’re getting a good lunch.

The plot thickens

Yet another hit from India after someone googled lumber jacks of Canada.



Can someone please let us know what's up with Canadian "lumber jacks" in India?

Vets are hot!!

Having a dog again has reminded Tearfree just how sexy veterinarians are. It brought back memories from her teenage years when she and her mother used to love going to the animal hospital because all the vets were totally babe-alicious. The partners included a blonde hunk, a classic dark James Bond type, and someone's patrician grey-haired Dad. Something for everyone in other words.

With just one healthy cat, Tearfree hasn't had much contact with vets in the past decade, but now that she's got a dog, va va va voom! The new vet is adorable, as hot as any doctor on Grey's Anatomy or ER, including the early George Clooney days. Tearfree was totally entranced when he talked tough to Bridget saying things like, "I'm not intimidated by you." And then, when he told Tearfree, "You've got to be the boss here," well, say no more.

Plus, he had chest hair sticking out of his scrubs in just the right amounts. Nothing gorilla-like, just the perfect degree of hairiness.

Tearfree just can't wait for the rabies shots.